EP 6- Worm today, gone tomorrow

Tonight on the Heroes Helpline!  Spiders, Birds, and Worms, Oh my! 

Music: Magic Tavern by Alexander Nakarada (https://www.creatorchords.com)

Medieval Library- https://tabletopaudio.com/

Licensed under Creative Commons BY Attribution 4.0 License

https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

Medieval Library- https://tabletopaudio.com/

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:00

Whether you're pondering your orb or listening through a crow's beak, it's time for the Hero's Helpline. Live from the town hall of Hubhaven, here is your host, Randy the Ronald Wizard. Hello everyone! Welcome to the Hero's Helpline. I am, of course, Ronald the Randy Wizard. That's right, you all know me. Your favorite wizard, that's Randy. I hope at least. If I'm not well then we're not friends anymore. Kidding, of course. Today we have a great show for you. One of our first guests, let's introduce him. You can't miss him now, everyone. I know it's a little unnerving that there is a hello.

SPEAKER_04 1:02

Don't worry, I've got a nice little sack up here that I'm hanging out with. I won't get any uh silk on you. Cut a nice carpet.

SPEAKER_03 1:09

That's right, you are hanging upside down. I don't know why I thought you were sitting. I guess you technically you are sitting just on an upside-down chair, maybe.

SPEAKER_04 1:18

It's okay, we got all sorts of specialized furniture down in the deep dark. But my name is Chista Banamaker. I'm Fashionisto to the Understars. I consult for clothing and armor for conquerors of dungeons, whether they are of the heroic pursuit, or if they are more of the dungeon lording type. But it's real nice to meet you all.

SPEAKER_03 1:46

You said special eyes. I thought you said special eyes. Because you got a lot of eyes. I I I'm not trying to be rude. I thought you meant you can see everything.

SPEAKER_04 1:54

Yeah, Ronald Darling, you're gonna have to pick one. You gotta pick a set to look at.

SPEAKER_03 1:58

I don't I don't know which ones to look at. Chester, I'm sorry. Which one? You you tell me which ones I should be looking at. I don't want to look in the wrong position.

SPEAKER_04 2:06

Look at the bottom set. That's the set that's not gonna turn you into stone.

SPEAKER_03 2:09

Oh, okay. Um I'm gonna put that in a note, not like to look at those eyes. Um now, Chester, are you I don't know how to say this, large for your race of arachne?

SPEAKER_04 2:27

I'm a little bit offended at this question. I'm sorry, I phrased that really badly. My apologies. I happen to have a very handsomely swollen abdomen. Your thorax looks amazing. Oh, thank you. Oh yes, we are the arachne. We are the true rulers of the deep dark, you know. We really rule the the roost down there. Uh lots of magic, lots of magic silk. And so we also have the finest textiles in all the lands. Oh, absolutely, but you know, I'm not above doing special projects for those of lesser means. Like recently, I helped outfit this wonderful new dungeon lord. You know, she's just getting off the ground, she's just getting things started, and she has a very interesting, a very interesting theme, you know. Her name's Meryl Sheep. You gotta you gotta keep an eye on that one. Oh! Keep an eye on that one.

SPEAKER_03 3:44

I I know Meryl. We actually helped her become a a dungeon lord. We didn't.

SPEAKER_04 3:49

Oh, you would say the one she didn't have a strong grasp of who you were, I'm gonna be honest with you. Okay, she didn't either when she was talking to us. She did seem very uh she didn't seem grateful though, you know. Man, you know what? She uh asked for spikes, and they're in this season. Spikes, baby! Spikes are in. You know, that they're practical, they're intimidating, and uh they're all the rage. Everyone's gonna want spikes this season. I've got plenty of them. I've got plenty of them. I am killing sea urchins by the dozen. By the dozen one.

SPEAKER_03 4:30

Well, that I didn't know sea urchins were used to make spikes. Good to know. Maybe I should. That's so unnerving. Maybe I should invest in sea urchins. I don't know. Um, let me introduce our other uh hero here. We have Gladys Fugel!

SPEAKER_01 4:46

Did I did I say that right, Gladys? Oh, you did your best there, my dear. Anyway. It's okay, it's more like a Fugal.

SPEAKER_03 4:54

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_01 4:57

Fugle worry.

SPEAKER_03 4:59

I don't wanna be the uh bird in the room.

SPEAKER_01 5:07

Oh, you're not ruffling any feathers.

SPEAKER_03 5:10

We have a no no no, you're a spider. Uh Gladys is actually a phalbian.

SPEAKER_01 5:16

Oh, you happen to notice, oh yes.

SPEAKER_03 5:19

I'm learned. I know I know races to an extent. Do I know a lot about them? No, I am not that learned, and I should probably study more so I don't upset another guest.

SPEAKER_01 5:28

Well, it's never too late to start, young young one. Oh, you just look so cute. Let me give you a little tape.

SPEAKER_03 5:34

Oh, thank thank you. Oh my goodness. Alright. Gladys, why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself?

SPEAKER_01 5:41

Oh, sure, I've been everywhere that is anywhere these days. I make sure that everyone gets their mail.

SPEAKER_03 5:49

Oh, you're one of the mail runners.

SPEAKER_01 5:51

Well, of course. When you live out of nowhere, everywhere seems interesting.

SPEAKER_03 5:56

You know, when people don't have magic, they have to send what some people call snail mail. I call it regular mail because I don't want to offend another creature.

SPEAKER_01 6:06

Oh, you're just a bird of a feather, don't worry.

SPEAKER_03 6:11

Well, uh, Gladys, where are you from? I'm curious, actually. You know, you don't see uh we have a very diverse group with us. You don't really ever see a Falvian and an arachne in the same room.

SPEAKER_01 6:24

Oh, you never know. What you look around the corner, you never know what you'll see. Hello, my friend.

SPEAKER_04 6:29

Hello, down here. Well, to be honest, down in the deep dark, there's not a lot of room to stretch your your wings if you're gonna be flying about, you know. But I I love your plumage, Gladys. I love your plumage.

SPEAKER_01 6:44

Oh, what a handsome young fellow you are there.

SPEAKER_04 6:47

Oh no. It's okay.

SPEAKER_03 6:54

Chister, I'm gonna ask before we get into the caller. I know you you're a fashionista. Do you have any tips for me? You know, I've been rocking kind of the silver robe for a while. I'm thinking about changing things up. I'm a wizard, so it's gotta be a robe, but what do you think?

SPEAKER_04 7:08

Oh, Ronnie. Ronnie, Ronnie, we got work to do. We really do. You know, uh, I appreciate you holding to the standards, but the silver robes, you know, that's only one step above the robes with the stars and moons on it. Okay, I'm not that gauche. Let's see, we gotta we what we gotta do, we gotta get you a nice waistcoat. You know, maybe a nice wand holster on that. You wear it openly. Get you some nice trousers that can hide a flight item or two. Okay. Alright.

SPEAKER_01 7:46

Oh, pardon me, gentlemen. While you were talking, I happened to make you some saccharinly sweet dessert. I hope you don't mind it's salad, but you can't tell the jello from the sugar.

SPEAKER_04 8:00

Oh, let that looks lovely, let me see. Yummy. Yummy.

SPEAKER_03 8:08

I have never seen something like that before. Um, I will take some. You I appreciate you're the first guest that's ever brought me food. I will try some out.

SPEAKER_01 8:18

Well, it's customary to say hello to new people.

SPEAKER_03 8:22

Thank you so much. And of course, uh, on hand, we have any of the libations you may need. If you want a drink, you know, you just let us know, and one of our interns will come grab you one.

SPEAKER_01 8:32

Oh, those fine-strapping young men who are running around. Oh, that was a woman. I'm sorry. Hello.

SPEAKER_04 8:39

Don't worry, I already caught myself a nice juicy rat.

SPEAKER_03 8:43

Okay. Uh, well, okay. Sounds good.

SPEAKER_04 8:46

Don't worry, I took care of your infestation for you.

SPEAKER_03 8:51

Now, this is odd. Our makeup lady is waving me down, and I don't know why. Um, did you guys all report to makeup when you got here?

SPEAKER_01 9:02

Who was that?

SPEAKER_03 9:04

Oh, you look great. My petty pelts. You look great. You both look great. Uh, she's bringing me over one of our compacts. Um, okay. It's kind of vibrating. I'm gonna open it up.

SPEAKER_01 9:18

Don't be careful of mysterious packages.

SPEAKER_03 9:22

This is true, you are the male person. Maybe you should open it. Here, take take the compact. It's just vibrating a little bit. I don't know why, and I'm a little concerned.

SPEAKER_01 9:32

Now, dearie, were you the one intended? Oh! Dear! Oh! It's it's moving! Oh!

SPEAKER_03 9:40

It it opened up!

SPEAKER_01 9:42

Oh, I think it's for you, good sir.

SPEAKER_03 9:44

Oh, oh, hello? Is someone there?

unknown 9:46

Hi, Dearie!

SPEAKER_03 9:48

Hi. Uh, yes, I oh shoot, I see you!

SPEAKER_02 9:52

I didn't know we It's my first time calling in.

SPEAKER_03 9:55

No, that's perfectly fine. I didn't know we could call in through makeup.

unknown 9:59

Hi.

SPEAKER_03 10:00

Hi! Uh, welcome to the Heroes Helpline! Um Hi. Go ahead. I this yeah, what's who um one second, let me uh put this in the scry pool so it'll uh amplify your voice. Oh can you hear us?

SPEAKER_02 10:17

Yeah, can you hear me?

SPEAKER_03 10:19

Can you guys all hear well?

SPEAKER_04 10:21

Oh yeah, there we go. There's the vibration fellow.

SPEAKER_03 10:24

Uh sorry about that, uh uh Sarah. I'll get you a new compact and makeup. Oh, she is.

SPEAKER_02 10:30

Hi, uh, my name is Ilario Morales. And how are you calling us? Um, so well, this is not mine. I I I I don't own a compact mirror, it's my girlfriend's. I had to borrow it.

SPEAKER_03 10:52

Oh my goodness. So everyone knows you can enchant a magic mirror. Everyone knows this. She enchanted a compact mirror. That's pretty smart, actually. I'll give your girlfriend some credit. She's a smart, very smart person. Continue on, Ilario.

SPEAKER_04 11:09

Very minimalist.

SPEAKER_02 11:11

Yeah, so I I work as a junior clerk for the Department of Minor Arcane Affairs. And I mostly deal with like paperwork, permits. Nothing crazy, nothing urgent, usually. And you know how I said that this is my girlfriend's mirror and I had to borrow it? Right. Well, she asked me if I would love her if she was a worm, and I said yes, and she's currently a worm.

SPEAKER_01 11:43

Oh, she's warm? She's warm? I think that's fine, dearie.

SPEAKER_03 11:48

No, no, we're yeah. Oh what flavor?

SPEAKER_01 11:54

Like what's in Schister's mouth right now?

SPEAKER_03 11:56

No, no, oh, oh, wow. This is you have that. We have some special guests to help you with worms today. Um, just to be clear, was she normally a worm?

SPEAKER_02 12:11

No, no. Uh, let me explain it a little bit more clearly. So we were having dinner, and then she asked me very casually, would you still love me if I was a worm. Worm. And I said yes, and that's when I didn't realize that she had already prepared a transformation spell. So when I answered, sh she took that as confirmation, and then she casted on herself. Like, immediately. There really wasn't like a build-up, she was just a worm.

SPEAKER_03 12:43

I I don't want to get even deeper into me being very ignorant about other races. I have to ask, what was she before she was a worm? I can see you're an half elf clearly.

SPEAKER_02 12:56

Yeah, she was also a half elf.

SPEAKER_03 12:58

Okay, okay. So it wasn't it was it was a pretty big change.

SPEAKER_02 13:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 13:02

Alright.

SPEAKER_02 13:03

So I assume it was temporarily, to like a temporary transformation, and I thought it would be a few minutes, maybe an hour. But, you know, it's been more like 12 hours now. Ooh.

SPEAKER_03 13:16

Interesting. Um, I guess. Uh go ahead, Gladys.

SPEAKER_01 13:25

They always sell some counter spells back there.

SPEAKER_02 13:31

Right, so this is where it gets a little complicated.

SPEAKER_04 13:34

Uh-oh.

SPEAKER_02 13:36

So the department I work for regulates minor enchantments, including like temporary transformations. So there's like guidelines and like permits. And technically, this situation kind of like falls under like transformation without proper filing.

SPEAKER_03 14:00

Now, is she magically inclined or was this a s uh a scroll she used?

SPEAKER_02 14:07

She is magically inclined. I'm not sure. Which is why I I could get in trouble.

SPEAKER_03 14:13

There's at least the fact that she's inclined to magic gives you a little bit of leeway that it wasn't a bootleg scroll of such. Because those do they are out there. Folks, if you buy a scroll, know where you're buying your scrolls from. Don't buy them from the back alley.

SPEAKER_00 14:29

Well well, sweetie, where are you at? Are you home?

SPEAKER_02 14:33

Yeah, but I put her in a in a in a terrarium.

SPEAKER_04 14:38

Okay, so she's with you right now.

SPEAKER_03 14:41

I guess it would help to know too, where are you from? Because magic rules exist very they vary from city to city. Like in Hubhaven, there's not so much a rule against transfiguration and transmodification and morphology as well. A lot of different types. So where are you from exactly? That will that'll help us a little bit.

SPEAKER_02 15:03

Okay, so I live in Verdinia Heights. So it's pretty normal, you know, all things considered. It's we have an HOA, which is very strict about visible enchantments. So, like, no glowing prunes on the lawn, no summoned creatures left unattended. Okay, that's a cafe in the corner that does like minor enchantments in their drinks.

SPEAKER_04 15:30

We got those down in the deep dark too, baby. We call those whole owners' associations. They is the leader of yours also a gargoyle?

SPEAKER_02 15:42

How did you know?

SPEAKER_04 15:43

Oh, honey, it's uh you know, I don't want to say anything negative about gargoyles, they don't deserve that, but it's a position that they do tend to culturally lean towards. They like to perch over other people's homes and watch judgmentally over them and then punish them for them. Not most minor of infractions, you know, makes them feel powerful.

SPEAKER_02 16:05

So it's common.

SPEAKER_03 16:08

Oh my yes, yeah. I mean, even in Hubhaven, there are certain sections of the city that are homeowner associations, and let's just say no one wants to live there, but if you do move in there, they don't let you leave. So it's a bunch of older people that live there, and they are very strict about everything. Makes my spinnerets shiver. Well then, now we have a little bit of information. Maybe we can take a break, get an ad from one of our sponsors while we kind of think of some solutions for your problem. I think we might need to deep delve a I think we might I think we might need to delve a bit deeper into it. So when we come back. Not that deep dark, but deeper.

SPEAKER_01 16:51

Well, the Orly bird gets the worm.

SPEAKER_03 16:55

On that note, we'll be right back, folks. What? No no ads for two weeks in a row? That's that's a little odd. Oh! Hello everyone! Uh yes, you're looking for an ad. Well, how about an ad for this Scrycast, the Heroes Helpline? If you enjoyed this show, why don't you share with your friends, your family, your mother, your dog, your chickens, whatever animals you have. Follow the heroes helpline on social media. Now's a good time as any to say we're gonna take a short break before new episodes come out, so stay tuned. If you have a question for our heroes, send it an email to the heroeshelpline at gmail.com, and your question may be featured on the scrycast. But until next time, everyone, stay randy! Welcome back, everyone! We are here with Jester, Gladys, and Elario. Now, if you don't remember, Elario's girlfriend has turned herself into a worm. Elario. My first question is Do you still love her? I feel like that's just a throw people who say, like, oh, true love will make everything better. Maybe this ain't the books, you know. This isn't fairy tales. You know. Take that back to the faith field. People don't want to hear about that.

SPEAKER_04 18:38

I'm gonna pitch something that may be unpopular. A girl that turns herself into a worm to try to teach you some kind of life lesson. That's a red banner. A red banner. You do not need to put up with that in your life. Leave her as a worm. Leave her with a worm.

SPEAKER_03 19:06

I don't I don't control on the show. I cannot control my guest though.

SPEAKER_02 19:49

We never had this conversation. I loved her when she was a worm. I loved her when she wasn't a worm.

SPEAKER_03 20:04

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 20:17

I've I've loved all these words before, and you know you want them to be the same sort of way. If you really do love her, you gotta do the things that scare you. That leads to me.

SPEAKER_02 20:35

I'm not turning into a word for her.

SPEAKER_01 20:37

Oh dear, no.

SPEAKER_03 20:38

No, no, no, no, no, please don't do that. Do not do that. No one's on that page. I thought she was going Gladys was going, if you love her, let her go, but I don't know if that's what you were thinking. That's what I want to do.

SPEAKER_01 20:53

That works too. Alright.

SPEAKER_03 20:55

Love aside, let me ask you, as a um someone who works in the minor arcane affairs department, are you obligated to help return her to a half-help? Or is there some statute that says you should leave her as a worm as it was her choice to turn into a worm?

SPEAKER_02 21:13

So part of my responsibilities include understanding that all enchantments are properly documented and non-disruptive to daily life, which is already an issue here. No. Okay. I mean, I believe that I have politically personal and potentially administrative responsibility. She is my partner. I care about her well-being and autonomy, her safety. Administratively fall under failure to intervene. In a uh I guess uh unstable enchantment. Unstable enchantment affecting a domestic partner.

SPEAKER_03 22:10

You would fail into do that if you didn't return to the world.

SPEAKER_02 22:12

Which is why I can't uh bring this to uh uh the authorities.

SPEAKER_03 22:18

I see. You're you're kind of on like a double-edged sword here, is that you're damned if you do, you're damned if you don't. Because I can make an argument if you turn her back into a health half-elf, that means you wouldn't love her if she was a worm.

SPEAKER_04 22:33

That's true. You'd be proving her right. The worst thing you can do in any relationship.

SPEAKER_03 22:40

Unless she intended to turn back into a worm and the spell failed.

unknown 22:45

Hold on.

SPEAKER_03 22:46

In which case you would be proving her wrong. Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 22:49

She can't hear me as a worm, can she?

SPEAKER_01 22:52

Oh, they can hear.

SPEAKER_03 22:55

I feel like they go off vibration. So if you're talking right by her, she might be able to interpret what you're saying.

SPEAKER_01 23:02

Perchance was this lovely lady a worm before, and then was a half-elf for you?

SPEAKER_02 23:09

Like she turned into a half-elf for me? The worm that fell in love with a half elf and turned into a half elf?

SPEAKER_01 23:18

You never know these days.

SPEAKER_04 23:21

I mean, anything's possible. It's a lot more complicated up here.

SPEAKER_02 23:25

This is getting too complicated. I just wanted a normal girlfriend, not a worm.

SPEAKER_03 23:30

Hey, Elario, there's no normal girlfriends. I'm gonna tell you that right now, buddy. That may be a bad opinion, but hey.

SPEAKER_02 23:39

I think I'm gonna take the druid's advice.

SPEAKER_01 23:42

We're just all a little bird brain.

SPEAKER_02 23:44

What druid? Before I called you, I asked a druid for help because, you know, druids help with, you know, nature and everything, and they told me that it was her journey. Exactly, so you should leave. Uh I mean, I didn't understand it, and I s and I still don't, but I think you're right. I should just Wait.

SPEAKER_03 24:04

I might have a workaround for you. No, I'm a wizard myself. I I know magic. We don't have such arcane affairs here in Hubhaven, thank God. But what if you apply for a permit for a temporary transmutation back to half elf? When she returns to half elf, you ask her, do you want to be a half elf or do you want to be a worm? And then eventually she'll turn back into a worm, but she should tell you she wants to be a half elf, and then you return her. It's a little bit convoluted, but if she doesn't want to be a worm, she still goes back to the worm in the end.

SPEAKER_02 24:38

Uh- I'm sorry. Ronald, where did you say you're from? Hubhaven. How how far is that from here?

SPEAKER_03 24:44

Let's see, you said you are in uh Viridian Heights. I believe that is a subsection of the city of Serenia, a very magical city, which also has very magical rules to it because they don't want magic out of control. Some people say Hubhaven Hubhaven's magic's under control. It's fine.

unknown 25:03

Nonsense.

SPEAKER_03 25:04

It it's about a it's about a uh three-days cart ride.

SPEAKER_02 25:10

Okay, can I just I'm gonna put in a request for for vac for with my PTO at work. Okay. And I'm gonna leave. Okay. Ronald, do you think someone at Hub Haven can help me turn her back and I don't have to get anyone at my workplace involved?

SPEAKER_03 25:30

I am a wizard of charm, allure, and illusion, and that you are allured to your girlfriend, so I should be able to help you. I might be able to change her back. If not, I can find someone who can.

SPEAKER_04 25:42

Well, you know, uh, if you need an if you need a partner, uh, I am a specialty in weaving, and I can also unweave certain things. I could maybe whip up a scroll that Ronald could use. Ooh. You may have you can that would be good. Okay. I could get started right now, actually. Uh I have to use my own silk for it, of course. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 26:09

I'm just gonna go to the kitchen real quick.

SPEAKER_03 26:14

If you guys are watching this on an orb, I do apologize. This isn't the prettiest thing I've seen.

SPEAKER_04 26:21

Don't worry, I've got all eight arms knitting. It'll be fine.

SPEAKER_02 26:25

Okay, I'm gonna start filling a suitcase with dirt for her, and I'm gonna put a request for 10 days.

SPEAKER_03 26:32

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 26:33

And then hopefully someone in Hup Haven can turn her back into a half elf.

SPEAKER_03 26:37

Oh, 100%. If she doesn't want to be a half-elf, we can turn her back into a worm. Easy peasy. Best of both worlds.

SPEAKER_02 26:45

I g I Okay, I guess.

SPEAKER_03 26:50

Ilario, if that happens, I will take you out in the town and we'll have a night, a boy's night. If your girlfriend wants to be a worm. You can go fishing.

SPEAKER_02 26:58

Okay, at least now I know if if if a feature girl asks me if I love her if she was a worm, I'm gonna say no. I can avoid this situation in the future.

SPEAKER_01 27:08

You know what Chester said was right. This is a bit of a red banner. So if you really don't love her, it's okay, sweetie.

SPEAKER_03 27:18

That's right. We don't want your partner to give you a red banner. That's the worst possible thing. We want green banners only.

SPEAKER_01 27:26

But it's worth a try.

SPEAKER_03 27:28

Maybe this is what she wants you to do. She wants you to prove her love by turning her back into a half-elf.

SPEAKER_01 27:34

Oh, she's terrible.

SPEAKER_03 27:36

Awful.

SPEAKER_02 27:36

Would I be a bad person if I just put her in the garden?

SPEAKER_04 27:43

No, you would be helping her on her journey in this new life she has chosen for herself.

SPEAKER_03 27:50

You would be an ally. Can you live with that though with your job?

SPEAKER_02 27:55

No!

SPEAKER_01 28:00

Are you okay?

SPEAKER_04 28:02

Are you okay, Ilario? Uh-oh. He's gone quiet.

SPEAKER_02 28:12

I'm gonna. I'm gonna go take a nap.

SPEAKER_01 28:16

Oh, Ilario, sweetie. It's okay.

SPEAKER_03 28:19

It's okay, Ilario. You'll find love again, honey. If you truly want to turn her back into health elf, a half elf, bring her to Hubhaven. We can help you out. And if that's not what she wants, we'll turn her back into word and throw her into the dirt. Whatever. I want to make sure you're happy. Because no one should go through a test like that in a relationship.

SPEAKER_04 28:40

Exactly. We can make you a nice new suit to go out on the town with. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 28:47

Well, I can make you a nice solid.

SPEAKER_02 28:50

I'll go to a hubhaven. I'll go back. That's so pleasant. If it doesn't work, I can I guess what can release her at Hubhaven. There we go.

SPEAKER_04 28:59

We'll help you figure it out, baby.

SPEAKER_03 29:01

That's right. We'll even set you up with a neuromage because you might need one after this. Depending on how this goes. Maybe a couple's neuromage if that's what we need.

SPEAKER_02 29:12

And I think I needed to move out of the HOE too.

SPEAKER_03 29:15

Oh, yes, I would do that. My best advice gargoyles sleep during the day and usually watch at night. So wait till they're sleeping and just push it off your roof.

SPEAKER_01 29:26

Remind me, sweetie, where where are you living so I can go poop on that statue?

SPEAKER_03 29:31

Oh, there we go. That's that's even better.

SPEAKER_02 29:33

Verdina Heights.

unknown 29:34

Great.

SPEAKER_01 29:36

In Serenia. Okay. Okay. Thank you, Gladys.

SPEAKER_03 29:42

We got your back, Ilario. I feel like this is something no one should ever go through. But it happens more often than not. And it's not just it's both sides doing it. Sometimes men will turn into a bear and decide if the woman wants to be with a bear or with them. And sometimes they choose the bear. Think about that.

SPEAKER_04 30:04

Boy, relationship problems are tougher on the surface, honey. Let me tell you what. When my sister Valoria, she had an issue with one of her boyfriends, you know, it was tough for her to move on, but she just laid eggs in his chest and she found love again. You know, that's all she's moved on. So you can do that too. Lay eggs in someone's chest, really center your life again and move on, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 30:31

I don't think anything any of us can say is better than that to finish the episode.

SPEAKER_04 30:37

Flatter me, you flatter me.

SPEAKER_03 30:38

Elario, find me. Come to the Town Hall and Hubhaven, that's where I'm usually at, or at um the sneering hedgehog. I'm always there, usually every night. Come to the sneering hedgehog, we'll talk, and we'll figure this out for you. We'll we'll turn her back and then figure it out from there.

SPEAKER_02 30:56

I'll see you in three days.

SPEAKER_01 30:58

Hang in there, sweetie.

SPEAKER_02 31:00

No, I think. Gotta figure out what worms eat for the trip. Gotta quick pack up.

SPEAKER_01 31:06

Oh, um, you know, when you have food and you've passed it, um, she can eat that.

unknown 31:13

Oh boy.

SPEAKER_01 31:14

A load of shit. It's okay. We can say that here, right, Ronald?

SPEAKER_03 31:18

This is probably the only time you can shit on your partner. It's okay. On that note, that's the hero's helpline, everyone. I am Ronald, the Randy Wizard. Thank you all so much for coming. We have, of course, our lovely guest, Just a Panamaker.

SPEAKER_04 31:35

Everyone, do look for my new fall catalog coming out soon. Remember, it's Spikes, baby. It's all about spikes. I wanna see some people out there wearing their best fall colors with their enemies' eyeballs on their shoulders. That's what I wanna see. Everyone have a wonderful night.

SPEAKER_01 32:01

Oh, and this has been Gladys Frugal. Oh, if you would need a package delivered to a non-magical area or an area of effect under a large spell, I'll be there.

SPEAKER_03 32:12

And of course, our caller Elario Morales. I'll be seeing you soon, Hubhaven. Everyone, thank you for listening to the Heroes Helpline. We'll see you next week to help some more people. Thank you for listening to the Heroes Helpline. We've got more help on the way. You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, and Blue Sky at the Heroes Helpline. Ronald the Randy Wizard was played by Joshua Baird Carroll. Chissadur Bannermaker was played by Jesse Anderson. Elario Morales was played by Jay Harameo. Gladys Fugel was played by Kitty Daro. Hope you scry in next time to The Heroes Helpline. And of course, Eller uh fuck Ellery. And of course, our half elf friend Ellery. Why can I not say your name? And of course, our caller Elario. Fuck me, man. It's been a day. Okay. You gotta leave some of these in at least. Those will be the last part. Those be the outros. How the fuck do you say your name?

SPEAKER_04 33:21

Elario?

SPEAKER_03 33:22

Elario? What the fuck am I doing?